KT
Kanan Tekchandani
Hi I'm Kanan,
I identify as twice-exceptional/2e - that means autistic and gifted. More specifically I identify as Aspergers. I am married with 2 teens and we are a neurodiverse family! There are facets of giftedness, Adhd and autism. Life is intense in our household!
I am now a holistic coach for adults and parents who are in crisis and struggling to cope or make sense of this in their personal life, despite their success professionally/in business.
my website is www.aspiecoach.com
I'm hoping to learn to share authentic content as this is something I have been struggling with for years! I don't understand content and it's purpose yet but I feel I'm going to find out through George's course and teachings!
If anyone would like to connect I would love to get to know you! I enjoy meeting like-minded souls!
Hi I'm Kanan,
I identify as twice-exceptional/2e - that means autistic and gifted. More specifically I identify as Aspergers. I am married with 2 teens and we are a neurodiverse family! There are facets of giftedness, Adhd and autism. Life is intense in our household!
I am now a holistic coach…
Active 10mo ago
Joined 6 Mar 2023
Enfield
(GMT+00:00) London
Soul Gym
I did what was on my calendar...it's a miracle!
It seems simple enough, right? Schedule it in, then do what the schedule tells you to do. Somehow my inner rebel hates being told what to do....but I suspect it's not actually rebellion, but resistance.
I wonder why I'm so squirmy about the tasks on my calendar. This has been going on quite a while. I can see it holding me back from moving forward.
It's not because I'm disorganized.
It's not because I don't know what to do.
It's because of resistance. It's because I don't do what I said I was going to do.
Fascinating!
But today was different.
I started with a paddleboard on the lake, half a block from my house. I stood up, which I haven't done much before, and I went further than I had gone before. I saw new places, and I could feel my sense of adventure kick in. I could feel a sense of pride creeping in.
I posted a reel on Instagram. My first.
I attended Soul Gym Co-working, then the AI course.
Most daunting of all, I completed my video recordings for a course I've been working on for far too long....and the magic is, it's been on my calendar all along, I just have always found reasons not to do it....until today.
I can see how this could lead to all kinds of good stuff. I'm simplifying it, of course....the resistance is still there, but I think it always will be. If I want to do this course creation thing....I need to do the parts that scare me.
But for today, progress!
It seems simple enough, right? Schedule it in, then do what the schedule tells you to do. Somehow my inner rebel hates being told what to do....but I suspect it's not actually rebellion, but resistance.
I wonder why I'm so squirmy about the tasks on my calendar. This has been going on quite a while. I can see it holding me back from moving forward.
It's not because I'm disorganized.
It's not because I don't know what to do.
It's because of resistance. It's because I don't do what I said I …
It seems simple enough, right? Schedule it in, then do what the schedule tells you to do. Somehow my inner rebel hates being told what to do....but I suspect it's not actually rebellion, but resistance.
I wonder why I'm so squirmy about the tasks on my calendar. This has been going on quite a while. I can see it holding me back from moving forward.
It's not because I'm disorganized.
It's not because I don't know what to do.
It's because of resistance. It's because I don't do what I said I was going to do.
Fascinating!
But today was different.
I started with a paddleboard on the lake, half a block from my house. I stood up, which I haven't done much before, and I went further than I had gone before. I saw new places, and I could feel my sense of adventure kick in. I could feel a sense of pride creeping in.
I posted a reel on Instagram. My first.
I attended Soul Gym Co-working, then the AI course.
Most daunting of all, I completed my video recordings for a course I've been working on for far too long....and the magic is, it's been on my calendar all along, I just have always found reasons not to do it....until today.
I can see how this could lead to all kinds of good stuff. I'm simplifying it, of course....the resistance is still there, but I think it always will be. If I want to do this course creation thing....I need to do the parts that scare me.
But for today, progress!
Firstly, love the paddle board and yoga leggings Susan!
Secondly, yes I get this resistance feeling too. Often its a delay until I feel ready to do the thing(s) that i dont really deep down want to do.
Its great when we finally do it isn't it - knowing we made it through despite that resistance?
It reminds me of a moment in my life where I was gee-ing myself up to talk on stage - we were all given a chance to just get up there, hold the microphone and say whatever we wanted. I was mentally determined I would do it, but when it came to it I just couldn't overcome the feelings in me. I eventually managed to create a safer space to talk - i offered a free talk about vision boards in a small local cafe I go to a lot. Having just 4 people listen rather than the 100s made it more doable! I saw that my own resistance was to the size or rather the energy I was exposing myself to! I still feel the resistance these days but i know how I can make it more doable now.
Keep up the paddling and overcoming the resistance! In your own time!
Resistance for sure is a good messenger I believe!
Small talk or silence? Your choice.
I don’t like to do things/talk unless there is a POINT to it.
I find small talk difficult. There is a resistance inside me.
Talk to a crowd to educate them and advocate for ADHDers/autistics/aspies/gifted/2e’ers?
No problem, I could talk for England as they say. You might even get bored of hearing about it!
Why waste energy talking about meaningless/insignificant things?
Well, I will do this when it makes the other person more comfortable. Then there is a purpose to it.
Sometimes when I don’t do what may be socially conventional, it may come across as a bit rude or more often seen as being “aloof”.
I am a non-conformist at heart. I question everything. If it doesn’t make sense to me, I likely will resist or not do it.
The WHY is of utmost importance.
I need a good reason to feel motivation otherwise if there is little or no engagement in and from me.
When I was a child and even a young adult I would wonder why I felt NOTHING. I literally had no reaction or emotion to something which I thought I was supposed to.
Back then I would wonder what’s wrong with me?
Thank goodness now I know it’s probably just because it isn’t interesting or natural to me.
Thank goodness I’m not still wondering - wasting mental and emotional energy.
Thank goodness I’m not beating myself up judging and labelling myself wrongly.
If you live by your values and stay true all/most of the time, what those who stay around will know is, you are always being authentic. Or as authentic to yourself and others as possible.
This is truth and honesty.
In yogic philosophy there are guidelines to live well - these are called Yamas and Niyamas. Yamas guide us on how to treat others. Niyamas guide us on how to treat or act yourself.
Satya = Tell the truth
Another yama is Ahimsa - which means do no harm/practice non-violence.
Sometimes we choose Ahimsa (not hurting others) over Satya (telling the truth) by making ourselves do the unnatural small talk instead of skipping it. It can be really draining.
But sometimes, we have to not hurt ourselves and therefore give ourselves permission not to talk.
Ahimsa is an important concept for everyone, but especially ourselves, when we are neurodivergent and have put others comfort first for most of our lives.
Do you practise Ahimsa (non harm) on yourself or do you think you need to cultivate that a little more for yourself? To be kinder to yourself?
I don’t like to do things/talk unless there is a POINT to it.
I find small talk difficult. There is a resistance inside me.
Talk to a crowd to educate them and advocate for ADHDers/autistics/aspies/gifted/2e’ers?
No problem, I could talk for England as they say. You might even get bored of hearing about it!
Why waste energy talking about meaningless/insignificant things?
Well, I will do this when it makes the other person more comfortable. Then there is a purpose to it.
Sometime…
I don’t like to do things/talk unless there is a POINT to it.
I find small talk difficult. There is a resistance inside me.
Talk to a crowd to educate them and advocate for ADHDers/autistics/aspies/gifted/2e’ers?
No problem, I could talk for England as they say. You might even get bored of hearing about it!
Why waste energy talking about meaningless/insignificant things?
Well, I will do this when it makes the other person more comfortable. Then there is a purpose to it.
Sometimes when I don’t do what may be socially conventional, it may come across as a bit rude or more often seen as being “aloof”.
I am a non-conformist at heart. I question everything. If it doesn’t make sense to me, I likely will resist or not do it.
The WHY is of utmost importance.
I need a good reason to feel motivation otherwise if there is little or no engagement in and from me.
When I was a child and even a young adult I would wonder why I felt NOTHING. I literally had no reaction or emotion to something which I thought I was supposed to.
Back then I would wonder what’s wrong with me?
Thank goodness now I know it’s probably just because it isn’t interesting or natural to me.
Thank goodness I’m not still wondering - wasting mental and emotional energy.
Thank goodness I’m not beating myself up judging and labelling myself wrongly.
If you live by your values and stay true all/most of the time, what those who stay around will know is, you are always being authentic. Or as authentic to yourself and others as possible.
This is truth and honesty.
In yogic philosophy there are guidelines to live well - these are called Yamas and Niyamas. Yamas guide us on how to treat others. Niyamas guide us on how to treat or act yourself.
Satya = Tell the truth
Another yama is Ahimsa - which means do no harm/practice non-violence.
Sometimes we choose Ahimsa (not hurting others) over Satya (telling the truth) by making ourselves do the unnatural small talk instead of skipping it. It can be really draining.
But sometimes, we have to not hurt ourselves and therefore give ourselves permission not to talk.
Ahimsa is an important concept for everyone, but especially ourselves, when we are neurodivergent and have put others comfort first for most of our lives.
Do you practise Ahimsa (non harm) on yourself or do you think you need to cultivate that a little more for yourself? To be kinder to yourself?
I Am Not Loved
One of the 2 universal human fears.
The other being “I’m not good enough”.
What does it feel like to feel like you are not loved?
What sensations do you notice in your body when you think of someone you love who you think/feel doesn’t love you?
Where do you feel it?
I have heard clients describe it as a knife in the heart.
Tightness in the chest, at the heartspace.
Heartache, heartbreak.
When I hear my clients talk about not being loved, I feel it deeply in my own body. I have an empathetic physical response. It is their truth.
My reaction is to at once be in that feeling with them, but also instinctively I want to give them a hug or send the energy of love to them so they might feel what they are missing.
***
The thing is…. when we don’t feel loved….
it doesn’t necessarily mean we are not loved.
Why?
Have you heard of Love Languages?
This helps us to understand why we don’t feel loved.
It gives us a way to express love so that it is RECEIVED and felt.
The trouble is, when we express love in our own way, our own language - the other person may not receive it.
The concept of Love Languages allows us to understand how we each receive and give love.
The 5 love languages are:
- Physical touch
- Words of affirmation
- Gifts
- Acts of service
- Quality time
If I were to tell my loved one “I love you”, but their love language is acts of service, then they won’t feel the love I think I am giving them.
Instead I need to convey my love through an Act of Service for them to feel and receive that love. For example, if I make a cup of tea and take it to my loved one who is busy back to back in meetings, then they feel love.
If you are aware of this, you can save yourself a lot of wasted energy, misunderstandings, pain and arguments which arise from not getting their/your need to feel loved, met.
Be inquisitive, identify your loved ones' Love Language. Identify your own. Express your love using THEIR language.
You can use this free online test to help you.
If you don’t feel loved, ask yourself if it’s because they are giving it to you BUT in the wrong language so you aren’t feeling it.
Just simply being aware and intentional, with how you express your love, can make a huge difference in the quality of your relationships.
It could be the difference between a break-up or a long lasting strong relationship into your golden years
May you all feel Loved.
One of the 2 universal human fears.
The other being “I’m not good enough”.
What does it feel like to feel like you are not loved?
What sensations do you notice in your body when you think of someone you love who you think/feel doesn’t love you?
Where do you feel it?
I have heard clients describe it as a knife in the heart.
Tightness in the chest, at the heartspace.
Heartache, heartbreak.
When I hear my clients talk about not being loved, I feel it deeply in my own body. I have an empath…
One of the 2 universal human fears.
The other being “I’m not good enough”.
What does it feel like to feel like you are not loved?
What sensations do you notice in your body when you think of someone you love who you think/feel doesn’t love you?
Where do you feel it?
I have heard clients describe it as a knife in the heart.
Tightness in the chest, at the heartspace.
Heartache, heartbreak.
When I hear my clients talk about not being loved, I feel it deeply in my own body. I have an empathetic physical response. It is their truth.
My reaction is to at once be in that feeling with them, but also instinctively I want to give them a hug or send the energy of love to them so they might feel what they are missing.
***
The thing is…. when we don’t feel loved….
it doesn’t necessarily mean we are not loved.
Why?
Have you heard of Love Languages?
This helps us to understand why we don’t feel loved.
It gives us a way to express love so that it is RECEIVED and felt.
The trouble is, when we express love in our own way, our own language - the other person may not receive it.
The concept of Love Languages allows us to understand how we each receive and give love.
The 5 love languages are:
- Physical touch
- Words of affirmation
- Gifts
- Acts of service
- Quality time
If I were to tell my loved one “I love you”, but their love language is acts of service, then they won’t feel the love I think I am giving them.
Instead I need to convey my love through an Act of Service for them to feel and receive that love. For example, if I make a cup of tea and take it to my loved one who is busy back to back in meetings, then they feel love.
If you are aware of this, you can save yourself a lot of wasted energy, misunderstandings, pain and arguments which arise from not getting their/your need to feel loved, met.
Be inquisitive, identify your loved ones' Love Language. Identify your own. Express your love using THEIR language.
You can use this free online test to help you.
If you don’t feel loved, ask yourself if it’s because they are giving it to you BUT in the wrong language so you aren’t feeling it.
Just simply being aware and intentional, with how you express your love, can make a huge difference in the quality of your relationships.
It could be the difference between a break-up or a long lasting strong relationship into your golden years
May you all feel Loved.
Donna Becker
🔤 ABC
I love this
I couldnt have said it better.
I have been away on a yoga and meditation retreat so was a bit quiet last week!
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