In the Fall of 2018 I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) an autoimmune disease that has no cure. I remember sitting at my dining room table when I got the confirmation, I had RA.  I cried and cried. I did not want this to be true. I did not want to age with this disease. 

You see, I watched my father’s body deteriorate due to RA. His hands and feet became crooked, he needed a knee replacement and his physical balance became more and more challenging as he aged. 

He could not button his shirts, open jars or walk without some type of support in his later years. So when the news came, I immediately thought, no I don’t want to age like that, I don’t want to see my body deteriorate and crumble. I love to move my body. I love to dance, workout, hike, run, spin, and play with my kids. I don’t want to lose certain abilities in life. 

It has now been almost 5 years since the diagnosis. I spent the first 2 years in a lot of pain and then, the intense flare ended through diet change, acupuncture and medication. Then I had about 2  years, pain free, but today  I am in a flare again. My hand hurts, as well as my shoulders and knees.

 I am trying to age with acceptance. I am still trying all the things I know that worked last time, clean eating, exercise and rest, lots of rest. 

I could easily drive myself insane thinking what I do wrong or why me, or what caused this but the truth is at this moment at least, it does not matter. I am here, I am in pain and my main job is to care for my body with as much love and kindness as I can imagine.

I did wake up to an awareness a few years ago that my body is always trying to heal. In the autoimmune world, RA is an autoimmune disease, the definition is that the body is attacking itself. I have decided I am not interested in being at war with my body but to listen to my body. Trust my intuition and keep coming back to ease and love. That is truly all I have. 

From my earliest memory I have been in a deep inquiry about life and the purpose of life. I have spent thousands of dollars attending workshops, getting educated and seeking spiritual guidance for the answer. What I know now as a 51 year old woman, coach, mother, wife, friend and sister is that a big part of life is what you make of it and another part is what happens to you and then what you make of that. 

Today, I am choosing love and acceptance. I am choosing to meet my body where it is and listen. Listen deeply and trust that with time and patience this flare will pass.  I am choosing to embrace aging with acceptance. 

I have been raised a Greek Orthodox, when I was growing up I attended Sunday school for several years and went to the church quite often (not every Sunday). 
My mom used to pressure me to get up and go to the church but honestly most of the times what I really wanted to do was to stay in bed and sleep a little more. I always resented that she would not let go. 

You know, this whole idea of: "You are going to hell if you don't go to the church" was probably in her head for years. So, she thought it was out of love that she would drag us (me and my brother) out of bed to go and listen to some liturgy that I didn't want to attend.

Sunday school was different.  

I had my some friends there, we had a choir and we listened to some advice that seemed good. Plus, my mother felt good about it too.

It was somewhat fun and interesting.

But my real connection with God, was when I was in my room, on my own, talking to him and praying. It's like I knew how to intuitively talk to God, and I would talk to God for hours and hours, letting my heart out. It was my way of processing and decluttering, healing and also manifesting.

I would take an honest look at all the things I have done/said/not done that were not sitting well with my conscience and then express my feelings for them, until I was totally empty. 
And then, I would ask God to help me and bless me to have what I wanted to experience. 

I didn't ask for too much back then, simple stuff, like: I wanted friends, and people to understand me, to become more clever and be able to overcome my shyness, to have a boy I liked talk to me (this didn't manifest very often, but ok).

Looking back on it, that felt like my own unique healing process. My own unique direct connection with Source, with my own Higher Self. Although most religious people would view God as a vengeful entity with a white beard, I would view God as a "him", but I felt connected and loved. 

Years passed, I became a grown up and lost this connection because: "Life".
I forgot how to pray and connect with God. I stopped going to church altogether apart from really big celebrations like Easter, which I love. 

Instead of religious, I became spiritual.

Instead of praying, I started visualising and meditating.

Instead of singing christian songs, I repeated mantras.

Instead of calling it God, I called it Source

Looking at it, it seems like two similar parallel roads.

Yet, I was missing something.

Spiritual people don't pray, they manifest and heal themselves. 

Over the past few years, I have watched people online talk about their God, and christianity and I could feel myself resistant to them.
In my mind, they have been indoctrinated, deceived and I couldn't understand how young people could turn to the church all over the world.
But, although I have my strong opinions, I tend to have an open mind and when things become a pattern I will look into it.

What I realised is that these people (at least some of them) turned to prayer and real connection within themselves and God, in a new way. They found peace and love and they sometimes have real life transformations to show for it. 
Who would I be to judge it or deny it? 

So, slowly but surely it got me thinking that I am missing this pure, innocent little girl who prayed and opened her heart to God and asked for help. That girl who knew what to do and did it without any external help or push. She had an open conversation with God whenever she wished.
I'm integrating that girl within my now reality, and the more I do this, the more I realise that one of the things that religion taught us to do, the prayer, is something that helps me.
It is just that now my burdens and my concerns are "bigger" than the girl's. Maybe, maybe not. They seem heavier. So, I'm kind of trying to catch up with letting myself go in prayer, letting all my burdens leave my body and mind to the best of my abilities.  
I am even starting to appreciate religion more. No, I won't start going to the church on Sundays. Yet, I have so many of my clients tell me that through their confessions and conversations with priests they were helped immensely. And many of the times I seem to have the same opinion as them (which I used to find weird, as my experience with confession was absolutely terrible).

So, I'm starting to appreciate my own journey with religion. My past and what it has offered me and what can be open for me through prayer in the future.

And I'm glad I found it again...

Blessings

We meet at the usual Soul Gym zoom -- http://smpl.ro/SoulGymZoom23

Dear Soul Gym Members,

I love the kinds of work we get done in our short co-working sessions each week!

Excited to announce that I will be hosting additional co-working sessions for members 🙌🏾

To see the new times, add one of these calendars:

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You'll notice that most sessions are 1 hour long, but it'll be 50-minutes of co-working (with a bit of check-in in the first 2 minutes, and some celebration of progress at the end.)

If you'll be planning to attend, do your best to show up on time :)

See you soon!

--George

**

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I miss my friend. My friend Terra died of cancer on October 4, 2022, she was only 46. She was a dear friend and true pillar in my weekly life. For 14 years we were accountability buddies in all things work and life. We helped each other build our coaching businesses.  Every Friday at 8am, unless one of us was sick or traveling, we connected. We started each phone call with the Serenity Prayer. 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and wisdom to know the difference

We would then each take three minutes to do a big picture check-in and after we would choose who was going first, then second for a longer time, typically 25 mins. Each Friday call was a sacred time in my week. It was a time to drop in, share and feel a deep belonging to each other and life. 

Sometimes one or both of us would start the call a bit frazzled, our brains pulling us in ten different directions but soon, right after the Serentityn Prayer, we would both settle back in. We would remember this grooved, foundational, sacred connection that we had created over our 14 years and then we knew were home. Home in the knowing that we held each other with grace, love and devotion. 

I miss my friend. I miss our shared and significant history together, we knew where we both struggled and where we shined. I miss knowing I could listen deeply and know how to best support Terra. I miss how I could say what I was struggling with or feeling challenged by and she knew how to meet me with so much ease and love. I miss how we celebrated each other’s lives and milestones. 

Terra and I shared a lot in commont. We both studied psychology and we were both life-purpose coaches. We were both raised in working class families, and we had the exact astrolocial sign, Sun in Libra, Picicies rising and Capricorn moon. We often found we would be dealing with similar themes in life at the same time. Not the same content but similar in the felt experience. 

And we were different, we had different personalities.  Terra had chosen not to be a Mom to humans, she was a Mom to her sweet dog Honey. Terra moved fast in life, she would grapple a few days with a decision, work hard for clarity and once clarity set in she would immediately take action.  I would find her moving out of state or on a plane to India or signing up for a workshop or year-long program. 

I am a Mom of two kids, my life moves slower and more consistent in a lot of ways. But after Terra died, I realized maybe her soul knew her time was limited. Maybe there was a deep knowing that she needed to take on life in all the ways that helped her feel alive, so she moved fast. She knew deep down that life is precious and short and she did not want to miss any of it’s goodness or nectar. 

This realization gives me hope, it helps me pay attention just a little bit more. It helps me cherish all the AWE in life and it helps me embrace my sweet life with the precious beings I have the privilege to love. 

I wish Terra was still here on this planet. I wish I could talk to her and hug her. I wish I could laugh with her and share our wisdom with each other. But I feel her spirit. I feel her love.  Multiple times a day I see 111 or 444, all angel numbers and I feel home. I feel our connection and know that it has not ended it has simply transformed. 

I encourage you to appreciate those you hold sacred in your life and also yourself. No matter where you are in life and what is happening, trust you are right on time. 

@Michael Williams