Change is a Process, not an Event

If only we could do something once and it became the norm for us, but alas, change is a process, not a one time event!

Change requires us to move through the following stages:

We start in Unconscious Incompetence where we really don’t know what we don’t know ;)

When we have an awareness of something that we can improve, we move to Conscious Incompetence - we are a work in progress and we have a willingness to bring about change

As we start implementing the change, we move into Conscious Competence which requires effort on our part as we have to be aware of when we need to be practising our new skill/practise - and the more we practise and implement, the better we get at it, and more it becomes part of our lives, which eventually leads us to

Unconscious Competence where the change has become second nature to us. We implement it without thinking as it is part of our daily fibre, who we are. 

These changes can be on many different levels - from the practical aspect of maintaining our finances - starting with what we need to do to become a good custodian of our money to actually following through with the practices until they are part of our daily lives, to habits or emotional states that we may want to change.

Change is a never ending process. Even when we are in Unconscious Competence, there is still room for growth. Change is like a spiral, and, if we choose to, we can move up continuously. Slowly but surely improving on ourselves from yesterday. 

A 1% improvement on yesterday will see massive change in a year!

@Michael Williams

"Meet your Money" meditation is an opportunity to go on a journey and discover your relationship with money and have questions answered in relationship to you and money. Join me for this money meditation and written guidance session. 

Time 60 mins

Our money is often only considered from a practical point of view, but there is a very strong, underlying emotional component to our money story.

This meditation and written guidance session will enable you to see money from a different perspective and see what simple step you can take to start changing your relationship with money.

Please book in via this link if you are interested in attending:

https://bookme.name/TamsinY...

Bookings can be made up to 1 hour before the event.

Reminders, with the zoom link, will be sent out 1 day before the event, and an hour before the event.

"Meet your Money" meditation is an opportunity to go on a journey and discover your relationship with money and have questions answered in relationship to you and money. Join me for this money meditation and written guidance session. 

Time 60 mins

Our money is often only considered from a practical point of view, but there is a very strong, underlying emotional component to our money story.

This meditation and written guidance session will enable you to see money from a different perspective and see what simple step you can take to start changing your relationship with money.

Please book in via this link if you are interested in attending:

https://bookme.name/TamsinY...

Bookings can be made up to 1 hour before the event.

Reminders, with the zoom link, will be sent out 1 day before the event, and an hour before the event.

I just had the most amazing conversation with my good friend and fellow ABCer @Winnie Sher . Between us, we have uncovered brilliant insights, which I'm sharing here in case this resonates 🔆 with anyone else on the entrepreneurial journey. 

I've noticed that I take what happens in my business very personally, and that my emotional investment is very high. As in, my business is about me doing what I do, so in a real sense, my business IS me, so anything that happens to my business is also happening to me. Make sense? 

This has felt quite a lot like being in an unhealthy relationship, one that feels unsustainable, and perhaps even harmful to my well-being. A relationship where, if it was with a real person, my friends would be giving me raised eyebrows, and asking with careful voices if I really thought it was a good idea to continue seeing this person...a relationship were my self-esteem was constantly being eroded. 

The tricky bit is that this relationship isn't with a person I can cut out of my life....it's with myself. 

My reaction to rejection, to criticism, to things being hard (um, everything about starting a business) has often been to hide, to play small, to avoid putting myself up for more abuse. To live in the shadows, to avoid the "limelight", to keep quiet.  Maybe I have a propensity for unhealthy coping mechanisms stemming from childhood trauma, it is certainly possible...and these things tend to cascade into habits, into expectations. And one can live there for a really long time, and give a decent show of doing okay...until one isn't. 

Maybe this manifests as feeling like one is spinning one's wheels, of never making progress, because it's all too much, it's too painful to be judged so harshly. There is internal drama, the bully and the victim, back and forth. Growth is slow, and one feels shitty about it, because it feels too personal, too emotional, too close for comfort.  

So Winnie and I, in our brilliance this morning, net-caring as we do, started talking about what if our businesses were detached from ourselves? What if, instead of taking it personally when nobody notices my posts or takes me up on my offer, and hiding in the shadows feeling like a doomed failure who has nothing to offer the world, what if I look at it from the perspective of a CEO assessing the state of affairs from the C-Suite? (Note, that's Winnie's term, I have never worked in corporate, so I don't exactly know what a c-suite even is, but I'm guessing it's where big-picture decisions come from, and where things are analyzed, the data is assessed, and corrections are made in order to keep the show on the road). It's also a lot less emotional, looking at my biz from that perspective....and I am in desperate need of that level of objectivity. 

What it does is allows me to find the insight that my business not being a "huge success" does not equal me being a loser on a personal level....it equals decisions needing to be made in order to move the show where I want it to go. Of course it's possible. Of course I can do it. But not if every stumble is deemed a good reason to berate myself for stupidity, to erode my own self-esteem to the point of burn-out and collapse, or worse- continued, quiet self-abuse that is so constant you don't even notice it.

Having my own business means the C-Suite is me, at my desk, making decisions. It means all the little things that need to get done by me as a solopreneurship, can be seen as employees who have a job to do. As CEO, it's my job to make sure my "employees" have the training they need, are showing up to do the job, and that regular feedback is given to make sure we are all moving towards the same goals. It also means that if something isn't working, the course of action is to figure it out, fix it, and move on from there. 

I find this idea of CEO much more empowering than the version of myself where everything is too personal. I need this objectivity so that I can employ my intellect, and not just my heart, in my business. I need to separate myself from my business so that it doesn't take over my life, and dictate how I feel about myself. 

Thoughts? What have I missed? How do you look at your business? 

I think I have spent my life looking for a blueprint.
Wanting to have the mysteries of life reduced to a checklist that I could systematically tick my way through.

This way I could feel safe. 
I knew where I would be heading.
The result would be predictable
And I wouldn’t have to be vulnerable.

But in recent times I am finally accepting that this is not how life flows.
Not if we want to fulfil our soul’s destiny.
That if we were to have a checklist, that we’d all be bored and want more from life!

And when I saw this quote pop up in my memories, it was confirmation for me that we live life by not knowing.

Life is the most difficult exam.
Many people fail because they try to copy others,
Not realising that everyone has a different question paper.

As a money coach, I don’t have a cookie cutter method for you to follow.
Your Genius does not have a checklist for us to follow.
Or at least not one that we download in its totality!

But by keeping our eye on your Vision - the choices that you make to create the life that you love, we will be guided as to what the next obvious action step is for you to take. 

We need to stop looking to others for the answers.
We need to stay focused on looking within.

The wisdom you seek is within you. 

Stop looking for the magic pill
Stop looking to others for the answers
Start looking to yourself and your inner wisdom

@Michael Williams

I have gifted myself with two weeks off from my massage job, in order to "get stuff done" in my business. 

I wonder how that will go? Already I find myself making two extra trips into town today because I didn't say no to my teenagers. Already that feels like a day slipping through my fingers- and I'm glad it's happening on Day 1, so I can correct the problem right away. I guess it's good that I notice the boundary violation for what it is. 

I will also encounter resistance to the tasks I have set for myself. 

• Social media posts, twice a week? Not hard to do, unless you do all kinds of other stuff first. 
• re-record a course for Udemy? Not hard to do, unless you get distracted because the background for your videos shows that you work in your bedroom. 
• finish another course that is mostly done? But is it good enough? Is it comprehensive enough? Is it too comprehensive? 
• And create an entirely new course from scratch. That feels really big right now. 

What I have noticed is that even though I have removed the barrier of "not enough time", there are still others to confront....But at least I have the time to address them! 

@Winnie Sher @TeAroha Haunui

Each time the Sun moves through a sign it's a gentle invitation to explore that part of yourself. 

When the Sun is in Aries, what does it feel like to try on more courage, assertion, and action? When in Taurus, how does it feel to explore your instinctual self, to rest, to find simplicity, to listen to your body? In Gemini, you get to embrace your curiosity, your intellect, and yourself as a reader, writer, speaker, and listener. 

Each astrological season puts a spotlight on these archetypal energies that are alive in each of us. Knowing which house the Sun is lighting up in your chart can add extra texture to your understanding. 

However, the best teacher is your own experience and the subtle nudges of your inner world, that's always guiding you - learn about the astrological archetypes and reflect on them in your life. Pay attention to dreams, synchronicities, and the themes that are naturally alive for you. 

Take each season as an invitation to explore these parts of yourself and see what lessons they have to teach you.

@Ginny Branden

“You’ve gotta keep control of your time, and you can’t unless you say no. You can’t let people set your agenda in life.”  -- Warren Buffett

 The world’s richest introvert, Buffett hits the nail on the head. 

In the face of seemingly endless meetings, calls, and emails, a leader must carve out room to think. 

Deep thinking is an introvert superpower, and it’s vital that we manage our energy to ensure quality thinking time.

Many leaders get to the office hours before the work day officially begins in order to do just that. Others block off sacrosanct time during the day. You may decide to turn off your phone, leave the office and take a walk.

How do you “set your agenda in life”? At work? Where do you need to learn to say no?

@Ginny Branden

Did you ever need to communicate your needs... but felt anxious or intimidated? 

In the spirit of today's counting of the Omer, YESOD sheb'YESOD, here are some thoughts on communicating your needs.  

Let's start with three dilemmas where each of these three women needed to have a conversation with someone. These are situations I had with clients. What would you have done in my place? 

1. Miriam was feeling defensive about a conversation her boss wanted to have with her. This defensiveness was draining her energy. 

2. Sharon was feeling drained and depleted at work. She was in an office room that was more like a passageway with several entrances. The room  was designed for an open, relaxed work environment. Sharon, on the other hand, needed to be focused and was very sensitive to noise and other people’s conversations. Every interruption pulled her away from her work and by the end of the day she was exhausted. She voiced her concern but her boss insisted she stay in that office space.  

3. Lisa's husband volunteered on his only day off, bringing home a lot of food for distribution. The boxes were taking over the house and his one free morning was spent outside of the home. This went on for months, and the months turned into years. Five years, in fact. Lisa was always stressed out  every morning, having to rearrange the boxes because she worked from home. 

Wow. These were certainly challenging situations for my clients! 

You can apply YESOD - CONNECTION to each of these cases. 

Let's see what happened:

Miriam didn't know what the boss wanted to tell her and she was afraid of the unknown. Was she going to be fired? Was he going to yell at her? In our session I took her through a mind-body exercise where she RECONNECTED to a deep inner part of herself. She left the session with a new perspective feeling calm and ready to share with her boss from a place of connection. As an added bonus, she had newfound energy to use toward being productive in any area she wanted!

Back to Sharon: She couldn't complete her work at the office, so she would awaken at 3 am in the middle of the night, when her best ideas for work would come to her. One day she actually created a presentation in the middle of the night because she finally had some quiet. She realized she could not continue like this. 

I helped her prepare a way to communicate with her boss that would have the greatest impact: We used the "commend, recommend commend" method. For example, “I really see the benefit in having an open office space where people can access each other throughout the day. In my case, it doesn’t work because it pulls me away from my concentration and then I can’t be as productive as I know I can be. It also disrupts my well-being because I don’t sleep well, knowing I have work left over from the day. I’d appreciate moving to the office down the hall so that I can be more productive and effective in my job.” 

When she applied this technique, she was able to CONNECT to her boss, who was able to really hear her and was happy to allow her to switch offices. Her energy was now freed up to be more productive! 

Now back to Lisa. Having all of these boxes in the house felt It was like having annoying house guests who had overstayed their welcome. She felt that her space was invaded. And what made matters worse was that couldn’t be as productive as she wanted because she felt agitated first thing in the morning.

 As a result, her feelings of resentment caused stress in her relationship with her husband, who became emotionally distant. And lastly, because his day off was spent volunteering, they didn’t have any down time together to offset the stressful situation. 

Sounds like a big challenge, right? 

No problem. In the spirit of CONNECTION, I gave Lisa a mind-body-spirit preparation exercise and suggested she use "I feel" messages to communicate her needs. We practiced a bit and I gave her some examples. 

At our next session, Lisa told me "a miracle happened." She spoke to her husband and what followed was that the people he worked for were suddenly very disrespectful and ungrateful for the work he had done. It dawned on him that his efforts for five years have gone unappreciated – and he quit! 

Now Lisa has more space in her home and begin work every morning feeling more inner peace and well-being. Now feels more empowered by her successful communication with her husband. And because she feels more at peace in the mornings, she can be more productive in her work. Best of all, she gets to spend time with her husband because he’s decided to spend that former volunteer time with the family.

As you can see, YESOD is the secret of connection: to yourself, the other and ultimately, to your Divine Source. 

Blessings for a day of true connection on YESOD sheb'YESOD. 

All creation is one. What we do to one, we do to the entire web of Life. ~Chief Seattle

I am currently reading the final book in The Seven Sisters series - Pa Salt - the book that ties the stories all up, and what is coming up for me the most is the serendipity of connections.

Doing what we love.
Following our heart and soul.
And coming from a space of love.

What has this to do with our finances?

Everything!

When we allow our decisions on how we both earn and spend money to be based on:
doing what we love
following our heart and soul
coming from a space of love

Then everything flows with ease and grace.

We enjoy doing what we’re doing - we may feel challenged by the uncomfortable steps we have to take - but the end results are what light us up and fill our souls with joy.

We enjoy the results of where we spend our money - we aren’t driven by guilt or inadequacy - but by spending our money on the things that benefit us and those around us.

And everything we do has a ripple effect out into the world. 
Our joy ripples out to others and shows what is possible.
Our gifts ripple out to the benefit of others
The joy of others flows to us

And so a beautiful web is woven of love, peace and joy - if that is what we give out.

When we allow ourselves to be tainted by emotions like anger, fear and resentment, we begin to close our hearts to others, that beautiful expansion no longer happens, and the upward and outward spiral cannot happen.

We take actions that are not aligned to our Highest Good
We spend our money in areas that do not bring us joy
And life becomes a struggle.

I know all too well how easy this can be, and it takes some inner reflection to see where we are being driven by our wound, to let that go and realign ourselves to act from a space of love.

But it is worth it.

You may have to distance yourself from the situation while you deal with your emotions and the stories that are coming up for you.

Give yourself that opportunity. It will be worth it.

Living with a heavy heart and vengeance, in whatever form it may take, saps your energy and enjoyment of life.

When you allow yourself to be guided by love, the results are way above anything else we could imagine.

@Michael Williams

Ebb & Flow

We believe that we have to live our life in constant action. I’ve heard people quote the song “I’ll rest when I’m dead”, and I get the desire to make the most out of life, but that doesn’t mean we don’t get to have some time out.

I’ve tended to be driven, constantly on the go, always something to do - and the truth is that there will always be something for us to do if we want - but that doesn’t mean we have to keep going like a Duracell bunny. 

We are allowed to turn the switch off and have some time out.

Recharge.

The secret (or difficulty) is working out what our cycle is … nature has many different cycles
A daily cycle with the rising and setting of the sun
The monthly moon cycle
The different seasons
And no-one curses at nature for its cycles - they help tell us the passage of time, and we move with it.

And so we need to be with ourselves.

And that is what I’m doing.
Tuning into what I need right now
How often do I need to rest?
How much time do I need to rest?
How does it differ with the different activities that I do?
How do the seasons impact me?
And how do I fit my life into these cycles - honouring my needs within it all?

The Dalai Lama says “The foundation of all spiritual practice is love”

My spiritual practice is my work and life…and the other way round…

💝Unconditional love is the answer to parenting challenging children

💝Self love ends the suffering of codependency (love addiction)

💝What am I essentially doing in my work? Loving my clients better.

💝Love is the ultimate power that transmutes suffering.

💝Loving kindness meditation is the one meditation I can easily practice daily

💝Love is one of the universal 6 human needs
And
1 of the 2 universal human fears is not being loveable or loved 😔

✨Oh if we all lived more from the heart
and not the head…
what would our world be like? ✨

#love #parenting #kindness
#lovecoach

@Devora Gila Berkowitz

Immersion

The penny has finally clicked for me that this is what I like to do and how I want to live my life.

Immersing myself in the activity.

Having an interactive experience.

Not having to rush, but being able to experience it at my pace. 

Which may be fast at some stages (unlikely, I’m not known for my speed!), or slow.

I’ve done enough learning to know that I don’t want to just be a sponge for endless streams of information which I get to regurgitate at the end of the day.

I want to be able to reflect on the information. 
Share my insights.
And be seen and heard.

I don’t want to be a passive participant, watching and listening.
I’ve done my time with that too.

My best year was when I was part of The Crone Coven with Mitle where there was no set curriculum for what we would cover (shock, horror!), and each circle was interactive.

It was a time that really allowed me to be ok with not knowing what was going to happen in our next circle, not know what the theme was ahead of time, not know what was going to come up. 

No time to prepare, just be in the moment.

It allowed me to start relinquishing the need for control of everything.

To go with the flow.

To trust that the next step would show itself. 

It’s one of the things I love about craft and gardening - you get to create and you get to be involved in the activity - and sometimes even get your hands dirty.

It’s about connection.

Not just being in the same space as someone else, but actually connecting at a deeper level. 

A soul level.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m also all for enjoying companionable silence as well.

I want my life to be filled with experiences - moments that I have lived.

Not a bucket list where I rush from one thing to another to tick something off as done, but taking the time to enjoy the experience, to connect with each other, to connect with nature, and connect with my soul.

How are you immersing yourself in life?

@Michael Williams