What would you do if the leaders you trusted most advised you against accepting the biggest opportunity of your career?  

A client of mine, let’s call her Lisa, recently faced this exact scenario and reached out to me saying she was likely going to turn down a significant promotion that would almost double her income.  Her boss and other influential leaders around her told her she wasn’t ready. They said they really cared about her and didn’t want to see her fail. This filled her with self-doubt and made her question her abilities.

Coaching Moments

I asked Lisa to walk me through her decision-making process.  As she spoke, it became clear that her fears were rooted in old narratives, and she couldn’t rise above the noise alone.  We can’t outrun our humanity and our human brain is wired to protect us.  When faced with the fear of failure, our brain reminds us of ALL the worst-case scenarios, which often fuels self-doubt and erodes our confidence.

I guided her through a series of coaching questions to help her gain clarity so that she could make this big career decision based on facts and rational thinking vs. listening to other people’s opinions and the imaginary barriers her brain was making up to keep her safe. 

The Power of Support

We can’t succeed alone. We need other people to believe in us when we are struggling to believe in ourselves. I reminded Lisa of her strengths and distinct unique abilities.  She didn’t need more qualifications to be ready - she was chosen by the CEO because of who she already was. 

Triumph over Self-Doubt 

Lisa made the decision to honor her talents and step into the next level of Leadership.  She accepted the human nature of her brain and redirected her focus on making meaningful progress in her career.  She is now putting her strengths to work in the new role and has significantly increased her income, her influence and her ability to have a greater impact. 

Listening to Voices of Possibility over Fear 

You are the creator of your future, and you get to decide when you’re ready! Instead of being unduly influenced by the voices of fear or by the scary old reruns playing in your head, please stand up for your highest and greatest good.  Choose to see new possibilities as a gift and listen to the voices that encourage you to step into your own greatness!

Reflect and Act

Think about the people you are surrounded by every day:

• What voices are you choosing to listen to? 
• Are they fear based or possibility-based voices?
• Are they helping or hindering your leadership growth and progress?

I've been absent from work and social media in general for a long time, but I'm getting ready to get back to it.

I wrote what is probably my first LinkedIn post in 2024!

“Living is easy with eyes closed

Misunderstanding all you see

It's getting hard to be someone, but it all works out

It doesn't matter much to me”

As long as I'm sober, I'm ok.

I got through having my sober heart broken. I stayed sober. I was ok.

I got through a global pandemic, more grateful than ever for my sobriety.

Sat with my mother in the last year of her life, profoundly grateful for my sobriety, that I wasn't making it all worse with my drunken pain. 

I got through all this and more in the last (almost) 10 years. Sober. As long as I'm sober, I'm ok.

I didn't even really think I needed to think about my ‘recovery’. I had my sobriety. 

Then life reminded me that it's not just about sobriety. That there's a lot more I need to recover from. That my sobriety doesn't mean much if the grief and pain are still tucked away, quietly eating away at me unnoticed. 

In January, I had no choice but to face it. The chronic stress. The grief. The depression. 

I deactivated and deleted social media profiles. Cancelled obligations and longed for events. I retreated beneath my duvet and let the depression take hold. I had no choice, it was taking me with or without my consent. So i may as well accept it. 

I've learned a lot about myself in the past 6 months. About who I am, what truly matters to me, and what I want from my life.

I know now that, valuable though my sobriety is (and that is still intact, and wasn't under threat at any point in these hard months), I am and will always be in recovery. 

Because life is fucking hard. There are reasons I would drink a bottle of wine a night and hide it from my friends. My life isn't easy, and if I don't remember that I have to prioritise recovery then this will happen again. 

I've learned a lot about the importance of compassionate support, and what a person might really need when they're feeling stuck in life. 

And I'm looking forward to bringing this to my coaching when I open my books for clients again in September, once my son goes back to school.

But first, I have beaches to explore, festivals to dance at, and hills to climb! 

What are your summer plans? 

[Photo credit: Marcus Nagle at Strawberry Fields on a recent Liverpool trip]

At my Cardiff University writing class this morning, we wrote a piece on the theme of ‘older and wiser’.

I thought I was going to write about the joys of being able to shake off the masks other people want to you wear, of abandoning the need to be ‘presentable’ to other’s standards, and of finally being able to be yourself.

The inner voice that is in charge of what I write when I only have 20 minutes to write had other ideas! And if my inner voice wants me to write this for me, then it seems only fair that I should share it with you as well……

So, with the caveat that while I definitely feel older, I’m not always convinced I’m much wiser, here it is!

At the grand old age of 51, I have finally accepted that I am not young anymore. And discovered that I don’t want to be. While contemplating that I have lived more days than are still left to live can be a bit of a shock, it’s something of a wake up call for me to ask myself, “How do I want to live today? Am I living in a way that is true to who I am?”

And to actually pay attention to the answer.

If today was the last day of this wild and precious life I have been gifted, do I really want to spend it racking up more Netflix binge hours? No matter how utterly brilliant Breaking Bad might be, it’s not how I’d like to spend my last day.

No, if today was my last day, if I knew without doubt that I’d go to bed tonight ,and not wake up again tomorrow, I’d want to make today count. I’d want to fill it with things that matter to me. I’d want to tell my family and friends how much I love them. I’d need to hug my boys and tell them how proud I am to be their mother. I’d want to view the Rhondda one last time from the top of a long mountain walk. I’d like to clear some balsam, hug some trees and feed the birds. I’d want to write something of that long talked about memoir, even if for only 20 minutes.

No internet required.

Life is here for us to experience. Every elation, every joy, every heartbreak, disappointment, pain and devastating grief. They all add to life’s rich journey. And the more we numb ourselves to them with booze, drugs, shopping, social media, TV and so much more, the more we numb ourselves to the joys of life as well.

We think pain is a bad thing, to be avoided at all costs. But pain is information, it helps us know what we need, and what matters to us. The pain in my muscles and my mind told me how stressed, depressed and burned out I was. The heartbreak at the end of the relationship showed me how much he meant to me. The grief and deep loss told me how much I loved and still need her.

These are all vital things for us to know. 

But we run from the pain. And when we run from the pain, we run from the joy as well. 

If you told me that I would die tonight, but I still had time left to live today, it would be easy to fall into despair, to numb the pain, the fear and the regret, and waste the final hours of my life. I like to think I’d seize the chance to truly live for one last time.

But I can’t say that I am doing that now, even though I know that life can and will end on its own schedule. That the shadow that follows us all from the moment we breathe our hello to life will turn my light out when it's ready to, not when I say I’m done.

So hopefully, I’ll heed these words, and the advice of the part of me that is so very wise, and use the time I have left, however long that might be, to make sure I live every moment I have. To always make sure my friends and family know how much I love and value them. To leave my boys in no doubt how proud I am of them. To do what I can to leave the world a better place. To get to the top of as many mountains as I can. And to Write that Damn Memoir! My journey to belonging. My journey to me. My journey to life.

Over to you

What would you do if you only filled your life with the things that make life meaningful for you? I haven’t listed all mine here, but I know that there are still lots of things I do that definitely wouldn’t make that list! If you could create a life that only included the most valuable (to you) activities, what would they be? Share in the comments below!

(there's an audio embed I created to accompany this post on my Substack, where I initially shared the post)

This is the post I wrote on yesterday's Soul Gym session. I am SO glad I was able to attend, I had a vague idea about writing this post, but almost certainly wouldn't have got around to it if I hadn't joined 

Hello, beautiful humans. I hope you’re happy and life is treating you well. 

It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been here. Life has been a bit hectic, with my brother needing emergency surgery to remove an unhappy appendix, and a music festival to prepare for and enjoy, I’ve been struggling to catch up with myself.

And, as is so often the case, I’ve been turning to nature to help me in that catching up. Time spent with trees, flowers and all the beauty of nature soothes the soul so beautifully doesn't it? It’s my go to for any time I need to reconnect with myself, to give myself time and space for recovery and wellbeing.

One of the things I am enjoying at the moment is tackling the Himalayan Balsam that is overrunning some of the green areas in my local community.

If you don’t know, Himalayan Balsam is a beautiful looking plant that is threatening the native plants of the UK. It was brought here in 1839, and was known colloquially as ‘poor man’s orchid’, as it allowed a sense of luxurious plans without needing the greenhouses that so many couldn’t afford. It has, in the absence of the natural predators that keep it under control in its natural habitat, become a significant threat to biodiversity of the UK.

Managing this plant is a long term project. A dear friend of mine has been working in her local park for over a decade, and is now starting to see the fruits of her labours, as native species are returning in abundance. But she still needs to keep working to keep the balsam away. 

I’ve only started working on this in the past couple of years, and am starting to appreciate what a big task it is. Each flower head can produce up to 1500 seeds, which disperse far and wide as the seed pod releases them quite explosively. The seeds can live in the soil for up to 18 months, so even if it looks clear, it probably isn’t. Balsam spreads widely along rivers where, having driven out the natural species, destabilises the soil and contributes to soil erosion and deteriorating river health.

Clearly, this is a significant problem. Government sources in 2003 estimated that eradicating it completely in the UK would cost at least £3 million. It wasn’t eradicated and has now only got worse, so that figure will have inevitably increased. Much of the time, it is individuals and community groups that take responsibility for it.

I know that in the small area I have deemed ‘my spot’, it will be years before I could say it is Balsam free, even if I work at it every day through the growing season. 

It could seem like a hopeless task. And sometimes it feels it, when you make great progress and return to find a hundred new plants have appeared in the spot you cleared a week ago.

But I know that it matters. I know that every plant I uproot and destroy is 800 seeds less getting released into the local environment. Every plant that can’t create 800 more seeds is a small victory.

And in nature recovery, as with personal recovery, every small win counts. 

Wherever you are on your recovery journey, whatever you’re recovering from, and however long you’ve been on this path, it’s a long term project, just like my balsam bashing. 

There is no ‘end goal’ with this work. All we can do is live each day, and know that each day in recovery is a small victory. Even when it feels that you’ve taken a few steps back, you can always step forward, armed with some new information to help your recovery tomorrow. 

The past 5 months of my life have felt like several steps backwards in lots of ways. As I surrendered to depression I found all my old certainty about sobriety and how I was ‘ok as long as I’m not thinking about drinking’ crumble away. Yes, my sobriety is important, but there was so much more I needed to do. 

So while I could view 5 months of turbulent mental health challenges as a step backward, instead I see the small victories. I’ve learned a lot more about myself, and what I need to be well at this stage of my life. What I needed to support my recovery 5 years ago wasn't the same as I need now that I am older, with menopause changing my identity, and grief having reshaped my whole sense of myself.

As I pick away at the weeds of my mind, I know that, just like my attempts at clearing the balsam, I am in this for the long haul. Every step taken towards self care, every seed producing plant taken out of the ecosystem…. It’s all progress, it’s all small victories.

What small victories have you won today? Share in the comments and let’s celebrate those small wins together!